Tag Archives: suicide

Walking with Purpose

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Walking with Purpose

I wasn’t walking anywhere six years ago. In fact, I could barely take the few necessary steps from my bed to the bathroom without breaking down in tears from the excruciating pain it caused. I felt useless and hopeless. But just like the picture below says, there was and is HOPE! Thankfully instead of ending my life, I reached out for help. Part of what gave me hope was taking a different approach to how I dealt with my chronic pain. The changes I made six years ago saved my life. The new additions to my pain management plan added in November of 2016 allows me to help others in ways I never imagined possible. But this post is not about my pain management plan, click here to read about that, this post is about how regaining my ability to walk without pain has given me purpose and provides hope for me and others.


Making Every Step Count

Whether I am using my rollator or walking without a mobility aid, I am walking with purpose. It started with my physical and mental health. As the distance I was able to walk increased, my body and mind felt better. It felt great to do something that my doctors had given no hope of ever doing again. Now that I see that my pain relief isn’t a fluke or short term remission, I feel confident in committing to helping others by putting one foot in front of the other.


Choosing a Cause

Choosing my first walk to raise money and awareness for was actually easy. The cause I chose was suicide prevention. My reasons for choosing it are many. First, there was my own desire to commit suicide six years ago. Next was my continuing battle with depression. Although I am much better than I was, depression is an ugly beast that lies below the surface waiting to taunt me or persuade me to believe that I am worthless. Several members of my family have lost friends to depression and suicide earlier this year. Choosing suicide prevention and support for those left behind was a no brainer. As someone who walks a thin line when it comes to revisiting my past demons, I cannot provide the support that people who have lost someone to suicide need. But the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention can and does.

A Worthy Cause

The American Foundation of Suicide Prevention‘s mission is to save lives and to bring hope to those affected by suicide by following five core strategies:
1. Fund scientific research
2. Offer educational programs for professionals
3. Educate the public about mood disorders and suicide prevention
4. Promote policies and legislation that impact suicide and prevention
5. Provide programs and resources for survivors of suicide loss and people at risk, and involve them in the work of the Foundation


A Cause I will Always Support

I am glad that I chose to raise money and awareness for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention this year and will do so again next year. Yep, get ready to get blasted with social media posts asking for your support next year!! Besides knowing that the money raised will be used to help saves lives, this event showed me how much they care about those who have been affected by suicide.  The event itself was family friendly.  People, young and old were in attendance.  The location was suitable for people of all physical abilities.  There were strollers, wheelchairs, rollators, and best of all tons of dogs!!! There were free beads for people to wear that represented what they were there for.  Whether it be a personal struggle, loss of a loved one, or for no other reason than supporting this fantastic foundation.  There was a booth to make bracelets in honor of a loved one and another to make a sign stating who they were walking for.  As I sit here writing this blog post this evening, my heart aches thinking about all the people who gathered this morning.  Seeing how many people have been affected by either the loss of a loved one who committed suicide or who have or are currently battling depression or another mental illness was eye opening.  And this was just one event, in one state, in one county, in one city, in one park…..  Imagine if we could see everyone else across the country or even around the world?


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walk with purpose




Don’t do it!

Contemplating suicide?  Don’t do it!!!

If your pain level has you thinking that you would be better off dead please call someone.  If you don’t have a friend or relative that you feel you can trust then please call the National Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255.  You can find International hotlines at this site: Suicide.org.

I urge anyone that feels that their life is not worth living to seek help!!

Do you have a loved one that has lost their will to live?  Reach out to them!!!

For the month of March I would like to challenge everyone to make some form of human contact everyday.  It could be face to face, over the phone, or via a text message, or social media, but you must engage in a conversation with at least ONE person every day!!!  Don’t allow your pain to isolate you from the world.  Maybe you have a friend or family member that lives in constant pain, if so take the time to say hello.

Remember that suicide is never the answer!!!

Wishing you a day filled with gentle hugs!!!

The Disabled Diva


Not just the blues

My mind has been consumed with thoughts about Robin William’s suicide.  10537180_10152397169326336_6152101977665810930_nMost of us living with chronic pain know depression way too well, and although I posted about his death yesterday, I feel the need to expand upon it.  First let me share that I don’t normally get caught up with the latest celebrity death RIP tweets, posts, etc….  While I will agree that they will be missed and I sympathize with their families, their deaths, unless I knew them personally, have no real impact on my life.  Did I know Mr. Williams?  No.  Did I think he was talented and entertaining?  Definitely!  The result of his death is my never seeing him perform again.  My point is that he could have quit show business and the result would have been the same.  What shook me was that he committed suicide.   I have seen the impact on others who have lost a loved one because of suicide.  But I never fully understood how much a person would have to be hurting to reach that point of not just wanting to, but to be ready to end their life.  That is until I found myself in that same dark and disturbing place a year ago. Rest assured I am no longer in that place and I pray that I never fall prey to the ugly beast that calls itself depression again.

Depression is not the blues.  It is not just having a bad day, week, or month.  Depression is a vicious, dark, soul eating beast.  Depression is feeling unworthy of being loved.  It’s feeling like you’re a burden on your spouse, children, family, friends, and society.  You feel as though your life has no meaning or worth.  It is a thick, dark cloud that distorts reality.  Instead of seeing nine playful puppies and one venomous snake, you see a thousand snakes and nine dead puppies.  It’s wondering how fast you would need to drive into a telephone pole to guarantee death.  Depression is wanting to go to bed and never see the sun rise.   Finding the positive and joyful aspects of anything is next to impossible and so much more.

Robin Williams reminded me of the emotional anguish.  He reminded me of just how much a heart can ache.  But his death has also affected me in a positive manner.  I thought of how blessed I am to have such a loving and supportive spouse.  I thanked God for the change in medication that helped me overcome the beast.  Most of all I am relieved that  my family didn’t have to experience the sorrow that Robin’s family is.

If you are having thoughts about killing yourself please seek help.  If you feel that you don’t have someone you can talk to call a suicide prevention line or a medical professional.  Do not be embarrassed to seek help.

My advice to those who love someone who is depressed or suicidal is as follows:  Love them and share why they are special to you.  Reach out to them.  People who are depressed will not reach out to others. Don’t tell them to think positively, they would if they could.  Don’t make assumptions when trying to figure out why they are depressed.  Ask them. No matter the cause they will need some form of help.  Above all, be patient.  Whether it be via pharmaceutical medications, natural remedies, and/or therapy no one escapes depression’s clutches at the same rate.

Some symptoms of depression are isolation, not answering the phone, avoiding friends in public, excessive crying, anger, alcohol and drug abuse, and having no interest to do anything.  Please share any other symptoms you feel family and friends should look for and any advice you may have for those wanting to help as well as for those who may need help.


Suicide Prevention

24 hour crisis line

Gentle hugs,

The Disabled Diva




Goodbye Genie


My heart sunk when the notification of Robin William’s death came through on my phone.  Not because I am a fan, but because of how he died.  Those of us that live in chronic pain know the murky waters of depression all too well.  We know how hopeless life can seem.  The idea that our families would be better off if we were gone grows stronger.  As with Robin, not all are able to fight the temptation to end their lives.  As my heart aches for his family, it also aches for anyone else who has lost a loved one to suicide.

Depression is serious.  If you find yourself feeling like the world would be a better place without you, PLEASE GET HELP!!!!  Call someone.  Anyone!!!  If you don’t feel you have someone to talk to, then contact a suicide prevention line immediately.

Here are few links that could help you:


Suicide Prevention

24 hour crisis line

Please post your recommended sites in the comments.

Gentle hugs,

The Disabled Diva



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