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Weight Blame

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It amazes me what doctors say when they give up on you. I was excited to get another opinion. A highly recommended GI doctor that my mom knows and works with. Things seemed to go well in the beginning. One of those who hates being stumped, figure it out no matter how hard or so I was told.

He started out with the routine looking at my records, asked me questions and did a normal exam. He took time, looked things up that he wasn’t sure about. It had been awhile since I had an endoscopy. He thought he’d go in, take a look and do some biopsies. I had the endoscopy not long ago. Some of you might remember my post about my endoscopy. Anyways…I had it done. Biopsies were mostly normal except the one for colitis  (which I knew about already) after he also did some blood work. With me I’ve had a lot of parasites so he wanted to make sure there wasn’t any left. It was one of those “thank God it’s not parasites!” “Oh, it’s not parasites” when you’re sick for so long sometimes you just want an answer, any answer.

Sadly nothing came up. I had my follow up. Same old pain, more nausea than usual and for the first time I was experiencing constant pain on the left side. I told him about the new pain and discomfort I was having. He asked some more questions and looked back at my history. Then it happened. The question nobody wants to hear (especially when you know and it’s a constant struggle) Do you think you have pain because you’re over weight? So I’m holding back the tears. He goes on to say we’ve tried everything in the past 3 years, test, procedures, meds and there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong. He asked if I would be up to seeing a bariatric doctor. I told him I’d love to but can’t because of insurance.

I’ve seen a dietitian and followed diets before. Weight has never been this hard to keep off. I admitted I don’t work out as much as I use to. I loved boxing and kickboxing but when I got sick the pain was too much. Now I walk and sometimes do yoga. I might be a fatty But I eat pretty healthy!! My friends mock my snacks sometimes. He asked if I’d be interested in a balloon or sleeve. I played along and said “I guess” First he’d like to see me lose weight on my own and then talk about it.

At this point I started crying. I had hope in this guy. He asked why I was crying. I explained I was frustrated. I hate my body. I’ve tried losing weight but living with chronic pain and working out is hard to push through at times. I miss being active and I miss being healthy even more. He told me not to cry and try to push through. That everything would be ok. I’m totally down for trying things on my own. If I can help myself I will. Do I believe my chronic/new pain is because I’m over weight?  Maybe. It might help. Thing is though I was 30lbs lighter when it all started. The pain was awful then. So ok, that’s why I hurt.

I’m over weight but why do I struggle with constant nausea and sometimes vomiting and diarrhea? How does that work?  Did I ask him that? No. I’m tired of explaining and asking questions. Dear doctors, I appreciate you so much! I’ve come a long ways because of some of you and it means so much to me but If you’re not sure what’s going on I rather you tell me that. If you’re stumped, that’s ok. Please just be honest. I rather have that then the guessing game. Hey, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’ll lose this weight and be cured. I don’t know.

Have you ever had a doctor guess or even pull the weight card? If you have, I’m sorry. It sucks. I’ve learned talking about it helps at times. You’re not alone.

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