It’s been a rough day. I was woken up this morning by intense abdominal, leg, and back muscle spasms. Tears rolled down my cheeks as each wave of spasms squeezed tightly. As the day progressed, their frequency decreased, which has allowed me to rest. In addition to this my stomach feels as though it is filled with sharp shards of glass and I am nauseous. If that weren’t enough to deal with, every bone and joint in my body aches and I have a dull headache. Good times! NOT!!! Although spending my day in bed with Zeva has been nice.
While not fun or pleasant, today’s pain level is just my body’s way of saying it needs a break. I am not angry or upset with my body today, instead I am grateful that it has allowed me to do so much in the past four weeks. And this is why I am writing this post. It is not to insinuate that I handle extreme pain with a smile or a joyful attitude all the time. Instead my purpose of this post is to remind myself that everything will be okay. To remind myself that eventually my body will return to its normal pain level. To remember all of the memories made over the past month. The memories of holding one friend’s hand during her final days of life and memories of laughing with another at Disneyland are what I am focusing on today. I am also reminding myself that since I began medicating with medical marijuana over 2 years ago, my body has not been as demanding when it comes to taking time-outs as it used to be. Each spell is spaced farther apart than before and last only a fraction of the time that they used to.
Since my body has been so good to me lately, I have no problem giving it the break it needs today and/or for the days that follow. It wouldn’t matter if I did have an issue with this break, as there is nothing that I can possibly do to prevent, stop, or shorten it. It is what it is. Rather than spending this time upset or angry, I would rather focus what little energy I have on happy things. I find that when I allow anger or sadness to take over during this state my pain increases and my down time is extended. Who knows, maybe I will be able to spend some time out of bed tomorrow? If not then, maybe the next day or the next. I just need to remind myself to be patient. Wrapping of presents and last minute Christmas errands may have to be delegated to my daughter and husband. And that is okay, because we fight and face my conditions together. One thing is for sure, we are all glad that we made this year the year of Christmas!
My advice? Take and accept each day for what it is and don’t make your bad days worse than they have to be.
Wishing you a day filled with smiles and gentle hugs,