Welcome to Funky Town, the place no one wants to go and has to fight like heck to get out of. I should be pleased that it has been quite some time since my last visit to Funky Town, but I am not. What is Funky Town? It’s that horrible mental space that sucks the life out of you. Living with constant pain is not easy and I feel it is safe to assume that most who suffer from chronic pain have battled depression to some degree. Physical pain, loss of independence, always discovering new physical limitations, can really screw with our heads.
I don’t choose to enter Funky Town, it just happens. If it were possible I would never allow myself to enter this funk at all, but I have yet to see the trip coming. I usually don’t realize that I am heading that way until I have already arrived. I hate the time spent in Funky Town. I lose all motivation, I find myself not caring about whether anything gets taken care of. I tend to avoid face to face interactions or phone conversations with people while in Funky Town, because I am emotionally exhausted. On the flip side, the things that normally cause me stress don’t bother me at all.
Visiting Funky Town now and again doesn’t mean I am suicidal, that’s an entirely different destination. My visits, thankfully far and few, are at most a few days of just feeling blah. In a way I become numb to my situation. I cry over things that I wouldn’t normally cry about or find myself feeling indifferent about things that I am usually passionate about. The strange think about Funky Town is that while I am feeling out of sorts, I am not really depressed. I am still able to recognize everything that I should be and am thankful for in my life. The best way I can describe it is that it is that I lack the energy to get excited about anything.
Once I realize that I have entered Funky Town I have to fight with all my might to make sure that I don’t end up living there permenatly. I have to force myself to listen to uplifting music, to only watch movies or shows that will make me laugh, and to converse with others. From past experience I have learned not to beat myself up for ending up in this funk as this only feeds the fire and lengthens my stay. Visits to Funky Town mess with my sleep schedule as well. Although I sleep every night (thanks to MMJ), the hours that I normally go to bed and wake at have shifted. This has thrown my normal “schedule” completely out of whack. I was finally able to go to bed at my normal time last night and hope that this means I am getting back on track. Here’s to hoping that this is just a mini visit!
Hoping YOUR day is filled with gentle hugs and smiles!