Living in pain for as long as I have has redefined how I categorize my different pains. There are the constant pains that I have just gotten used to and fully accept that they aren’t leaving. Then there are the pains that come and go in extremes. These are the ones that make me want to scream!
After a week of forcing my body to do more than it was capable of, my body is has decided to punish me with severe pain in my sacrum/lower spine. Sure I could medicate heavily to lower the intensity, but then I would be of no use to anyone during the day, so I wait for evening to take a heavier dosage. Not being able to find a comfortable position is what is most frustrating. It doesn’t matter if I am lying on my side, back, or belly. It doesn’t matter how I sit. No matter what I do or how I position myself the pain remains the same. There is nothing relaxing about resting when it feels like your spine is being squeezed and stabbed, and to add insult to injury, I also feel like someone is kicking me in the back. Unless someone has experienced intense chronic pain, they are clueless as to how exhausting living in pain can be.
Last night I reached the point of wishing I could just remove my spine. Think about it. How fabulous would it feel to be able to enjoy pain relief for at least a few hours by removing the part that was hurting??!! I know, silly Diva!! Because I am always in pain and would hate to have to hear myself complain with every ache in pain, I also realized that my family would probably feel the same way. So I have come up with other ways to let them know just how bad my pain is at that moment. If I say I want to chew my leg off, they know that I am experiencing severe nerve pain. If I mention that my legs are experiencing earthquakes, they know that I am experiencing severe muscle spasms. Then there are the days like the past few in which my spine pain is more than I can handle. When this happens I will ask my husband and daughter if they would please remove my spine from my body! Of course they say no, so I follow up by requesting that they take a baseball bat and bust my spine into a million pieces. While I am not serious about my requests, sometimes I feel like they are my only options and they better express just how badly I am hurting.
I guess it is a good thing that we can’t cut off or out the parts of our bodies that are in pain, because if I could I would have body parts all over the house!! How do you express your pain level to your loved ones?
The Disabled Diva