Filled with joy and guilt


I have no idea what is going on with me, but I have had the best week ever!!! It has been a long time since I have felt this good.  I know it won’t last, but I am making sure to enjoy every moment until then.  Then again maybe it will… who knows…. I had a day of therapy at Disneyland on Friday and planned to do nothing on Saturday assuming that I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed.  I could barely stand up straight by the time I arrived home. Well, not only did I get out of bed, but I had the stamina and strength to run errands by myself!!! Boy did I feel alive!!!  This is crazy, because not only did I give my body a beating by going on many fast rides, but I also WALKED to the restroom twice from where we were camped out waiting for the Paint the Night parade.  Thankfully I made sure we weren’t too far from one, but it was still a distance that I would have struggled with weeks prior.  I just want to give my body and hug!

While in the back of my mind I know this will end, because this has happened in the past, I try not to worry or think about it.  The timing of this “remission” of sorts was perfect.  Friday night as we were getting ready to head home from Disneyland, my husband pulled a muscle in his back while loading my wheelchair into the back of our SUV.  I felt horrible!!! I hate when someone else physically suffers because they are helping me.  I couldn’t offer to drive home because I had been medicating all day.  So my poor husband had to drive all the way home in horrible pain.  Although we only live 40 minutes from the park, it took us two hours to get home.  One hour just to get out of the parking garage! Seems as though everyone decided to leave when we did.  Thankfully I am having a good spell, because our roles switched this weekend and I had to care for him.  So if you are so inclined, please pray for his healing!  Prayers and pixie dust are what he needs.


I tend to panic when ever my husband and daughter get hurt or sick, because I rely on them for so much.  I am just thrilled to be feeling better than normal so that I was able to help him as much as I could this weekend.  Over the past year I have been making small changes to our diets and adding more physical activity to our outings to help my caregivers and myself.  My motive is unknown to my husband and daughter, they have no clue that the reason I am making these changes is because I fear them not being able to care for me.  Although pain will always be a part of my life, I still want to live for a very long time and I want my husband there too!!

What are things that you do to keep your mate/caregiver healthy?

The Disabled Diva




Published by Cynthia Covert

Diagnosed in 2001 with psoriasis, followed by fibromyalgia, psoriatic arthritis, endometriosis, and later a botched hysterectomy turned her world upside down. Cynthia shares her experience, advice, and tips for how to make life with chronic pain easier and less painful.

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