I feel like I have been put under a sleeping spell, like Sleeping Beauty. But unlike Sleeping Beauty, I don’t know what will break my spell. It has been a while since I have been this sleepy. I forgot how much I despise feeling so tired all the time. I forgot just how much extreme fatigue can complicate my life.
I suffered an extreme flare just a few weeks ago and although my pain level has decreased, I just can’t shake off the fatigue. I recognize that I am partially to blame as I pushed myself too far, too soon. A few days after the pain began to subside, I went to Disneyland and then the day after I spent four hours at the DMV. A week later and I am still exhausted. While I could blame it on the fact that I went to Disneyland again this week, I was only there for the evening and didn’t do nearly as much as I normally do when in the park.
The most frustrating aspect of being so tired is when interacting with others in public. Although I was tired last night, I wanted to attend my church’s soup supper and Lent service. Since my husband would be driving, I figured I could push through the fatigue and pain. Well, I was right and wrong. While I was able to push through my pain and sleepiness enough to pay attention to the service and to enjoy dinner, I struggled with conversations. I truly needed an out of order sign around my neck. Short and sassy comebacks or quips was all I could get out of my mouth. In my head I had all sorts of thoughts that I wanted to relay and questions that I wanted to ask, but I ended up sounding like a babbling idiot with each attempt. I found it less humiliating to have those around me to think I was just a silent snob, than to have them listen to the nonsense that was dribbling out of my mouth. I tried explaining that my brain wasn’t up for conversation, but the jumbled sentence that flew past my lips made no sense either. Last night reminded me that just because I feel I can physically push though something, if my brain isn’t up for the task it is probably best that I stay home.
In the meantime I need to get past this sleepy feeling. I have so much to do this month. I have three more therapy days planned along with back to back house guests at the end of the month. I am realistic in knowing that my home will not be spotless for my guests, but I would like it to be a little cleaner than its current state. I also want the energy to write to return. This post alone is draining me. I guess it is time for me to take my own advice, which is to listen to my body. Pushing against fatigue only leaves me more exhausted and I should know better…. Yet just like most other spoonies, I continue to make the same mistakes.
I hope and pray that by listening to my body and giving it what it demands, I can start feeling “normal” again. With that said, it’s NAP TIME!!!!
Wishing you a day filled with gentle hugs!!!
