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Under a sleep spell

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I feel like I have been put under a sleeping spell, like Sleeping Beauty.  But unlike Sleeping Beauty, I don’t know what will break my spell.  It has been a while since I have been this sleepy.  I forgot how much I despise feeling so tired all the time.  I forgot just how much extreme fatigue can complicate my life.

I suffered an extreme flare just a few weeks ago and although my pain level has decreased, I just can’t shake off the fatigue.  I recognize that I am partially to blame as I pushed myself too far, too soon.  A few days after the pain began to subside, I went to Disneyland and then the day after I spent four hours at the DMV.  A week later and I am still exhausted.  While I could blame it on the fact that I went to Disneyland again this week, I was only there for the evening and didn’t do nearly as much as I normally do when in the park.

The most frustrating aspect of being so tired is when interacting with others in public.  Although I was tired last night, I wanted to attend my church’s soup supper and Lent service.  Since my husband would be driving, I figured I could push through the fatigue and pain.   Well, I was right and wrong.  While I was able to push through my pain and sleepiness enough to pay attention to the service and to enjoy dinner, I struggled with conversations.  I truly needed an out of order sign around my neck.  Short and sassy comebacks or quips was all I could get out of my mouth.  In my head I had all sorts of thoughts that I wanted to relay and questions that I wanted to ask, but I ended up sounding like a babbling idiot with each attempt.  I found it less humiliating to have those around me to think I was just a silent snob, than to have them listen to the nonsense that was dribbling out of my mouth.  I tried explaining that my brain wasn’t up for conversation, but the jumbled sentence that flew past my lips made no sense either. Last night reminded me that just because I feel I can physically push though something, if my brain isn’t up for the task it is probably best that I stay home.

In the meantime I need to get past this sleepy feeling.  I have so much to do this month.  I have three more therapy days planned along with back to back house guests at the end of the month.  I am realistic in knowing that my home will not be spotless for my guests, but I would like it to be a little cleaner than its current state.  I also want the energy to write to return.  This post alone is draining me.  I guess it is time for me to take my own advice, which is to listen to my body.  Pushing against fatigue only leaves me more exhausted and I should know better…. Yet just like most other spoonies, I continue to make the same mistakes.

I hope and pray that by listening to my body and giving it what it demands,  I can start feeling “normal” again.  With that said, it’s NAP TIME!!!!

Wishing you a day filled with gentle hugs!!!

The Disabled Diva

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