Under a sleep spell


I feel like I have been put under a sleeping spell, like Sleeping Beauty.  But unlike Sleeping Beauty, I don’t know what will break my spell.  It has been a while since I have been this sleepy.  I forgot how much I despise feeling so tired all the time.  I forgot just how much extreme fatigue can complicate my life.

I suffered an extreme flare just a few weeks ago and although my pain level has decreased, I just can’t shake off the fatigue.  I recognize that I am partially to blame as I pushed myself too far, too soon.  A few days after the pain began to subside, I went to Disneyland and then the day after I spent four hours at the DMV.  A week later and I am still exhausted.  While I could blame it on the fact that I went to Disneyland again this week, I was only there for the evening and didn’t do nearly as much as I normally do when in the park.

The most frustrating aspect of being so tired is when interacting with others in public.  Although I was tired last night, I wanted to attend my church’s soup supper and Lent service.  Since my husband would be driving, I figured I could push through the fatigue and pain.   Well, I was right and wrong.  While I was able to push through my pain and sleepiness enough to pay attention to the service and to enjoy dinner, I struggled with conversations.  I truly needed an out of order sign around my neck.  Short and sassy comebacks or quips was all I could get out of my mouth.  In my head I had all sorts of thoughts that I wanted to relay and questions that I wanted to ask, but I ended up sounding like a babbling idiot with each attempt.  I found it less humiliating to have those around me to think I was just a silent snob, than to have them listen to the nonsense that was dribbling out of my mouth.  I tried explaining that my brain wasn’t up for conversation, but the jumbled sentence that flew past my lips made no sense either. Last night reminded me that just because I feel I can physically push though something, if my brain isn’t up for the task it is probably best that I stay home.

In the meantime I need to get past this sleepy feeling.  I have so much to do this month.  I have three more therapy days planned along with back to back house guests at the end of the month.  I am realistic in knowing that my home will not be spotless for my guests, but I would like it to be a little cleaner than its current state.  I also want the energy to write to return.  This post alone is draining me.  I guess it is time for me to take my own advice, which is to listen to my body.  Pushing against fatigue only leaves me more exhausted and I should know better…. Yet just like most other spoonies, I continue to make the same mistakes.

I hope and pray that by listening to my body and giving it what it demands,  I can start feeling “normal” again.  With that said, it’s NAP TIME!!!!

Wishing you a day filled with gentle hugs!!!

The Disabled Diva




Published by Cynthia Covert

Diagnosed in 2001 with psoriasis, followed by fibromyalgia, psoriatic arthritis, endometriosis, and later a botched hysterectomy turned her world upside down. Cynthia shares her experience, advice, and tips for how to make life with chronic pain easier and less painful.

Comment Here!

Skip to content
This Website is committed to ensuring digital accessibility for people with disabilitiesWe are continually improving the user experience for everyone, and applying the relevant accessibility standards.
Conformance status