Sometimes I struggle to accept my age. It is not because I fear growing older or that I think we are defined by a number. I struggle with my age because I really don’t feel that old. Instead of looking back at a year filled with activities I see one or two events every so many weeks or months. In a way it feels like time stands still when I am stuck in bed with a severe flare. I was in my early thirties when pain invaded my everyday life. Back then I would try to push through my flares. The result was additional pain and leaving me to feel older than I really was. Now that I give my body the rest that it requires I feel years younger than I am.
While some live from one weekend to the next or from day to day, I live flare to flare. How much time I have in between is anybody’s guess. I may physically feel twice my age, but my mind is still a few years behind my actual age. How hold do you feel?
Tagged: age, arthritis, chronic illness, chronic pain, degenerative disc disease, disabled diva, fibromyalgia, flare, health, invisible disabilities, living, mental-health, MS, musings, psoriatic arthritis, spoonie, wheelchair