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False Sense of Security

False Sense of Security

You would think I would know better by now…..

Why is it every time I am blessed to have a period of time go by with relatively low pain, I blow it by doing something I shouldn’t??!!!
The past month was pretty great. Even though I had an increase in pain in my feet, hips, and fought through the pain of a dislocated rib, my tailbone pain was almost non-existent. Silly me assumed that maybe it was healing…. After months and months of not falling into the temptation to walk into a store to pick up a few items and not driving myself for more than a few miles, I found myself wanting to take back some of my freedom.

I plan my trips to the dispensary by their monthly specials. I am a sucker for a deal. Two weeks ago when my husband arrived home from work on a day I needed to purchase med’s, I volunteered to drive myself. He was exhausted from a long day, while I was having one of my better days and hadn’t needed to medicate yet. So off I went, I felt free!! Grabbed an iced coffee from Starbucks and enjoyed my 30 mile round trip with the stereo blasting hits from the 80’s. It was thrilling. After I was a little sore, but my joy of being so far from home without assistance was clouding my judgement. So a week later I did it again!!! Yes sir, I was feeling like Super Woman!! Two solo trips within eight days!! By this point I was beginning to feel more pain and realized I needed to slow down and space my outings out a bit longer. Unfortunately the rest of the week didn’t go as I had planned. I had a doctors appointment scheduled for Friday afternoon. I always schedule them around my husband’s work schedule because we only have one car and I never know if I will be up for driving on any given day. The night before my husband was informed that he was getting an important shipment at work and needed to be there late into the evening. Because I was still feeling euphoric over my latest solo trips, I decided I could handle driving the 120 mile round trip to drop him off in the morning and again to pick him in the evening. I made it through the day without any noticeable increase in pain. The next morning was another story. My hips and spine were angry and began to punish me. I allowed my body to rest. A few days later the pain began to decrease and I was up for making a solo trip to have my blood drawn. The facility is close to home and as long as used I used my wheelchair, which I did, then all would be fine. Afterwards I realized that I was close to a store that I don’t get to often and needed to pick up a few items. Because I was alone and there wouldn’t be room on my lap or in a hand basket that I normally balance between my feet when I shop solo, I decided to leave my wheelchair in the car and WALK. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!!!

My spine started its crazy burning and swelling as I grabbed my items off the shelves. By the time I reached my car I could no longer stand upright. Once seated I burst into tears… My tailbone and hips also began to hurt and throb, pain shot up through my neck, over my head, and into my temples. So much for feeling better….

Instead of being able to walk across my house with tolerable pain, I can’t take one step without crying…I am stuck in bed with various muscles head to toe seizing up along with an insane amount of nerve pain. What will it take for me to realize that walking more than a few steps is a major NO NO!!!?? And for no other reason than I was once again deceived by a lower pain level. Now if I could just remember this the next time I feel like I am Super Woman. The problem my worst pain day memories are like childbirth. Horrific while going through it, but the intensity is forgotten after time.. Will I ever learn?????

Till next time,
Gentle hugs,

The Disabled Diva

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