Soon after the holidays I found my depression growing deeper.I knew I needed to do something about my depression and since seeing a doctor of any type was financially out of the question as was obtaining any type of medication, I needed to figure out what was causing my train to derail. It didn’t take me long to figure it out. Turns out the combo of increased pain and my time spent on social media sites were causing more harm than good to my emotional well-being.
One may think that it was the negative people who spurred my downhill spiral. Surprisingly it was both negative and positive people. My heart ached for those who were in pain, the ones who didn’t know how they could get thru each day. I was jealous of those who were functioning. I reached the point where if I read one more post of someone going out and enjoying life outside of their homes I was going to scream. I admit this with great embarrassment. What the hell was wrong with me. I should be happy for those who are able to get out, but it was killing me. It was with this realization that I decided I needed to take a social media vacation.
Taking a few months off was the best thing for me. I had the time to realize what triggers my depression and anxiety. This doesn’t mean that I do not continue to battle these demons, but I have been able to keep myself from going into full-blown attacks.
I feel I am ready to come back from my vacation. I have given myself a set of rules limiting the amount of time spent on social sites and more. One rule is if my pain level is keeping me from performing the simple tasks I have set for myself, then I will not go online. Increased pain is the root of my depression and going online will just feed my ugly beast. Another rule is to not set unrealistic expectations for myself. This was not easy, because some family members and I do not see eye to eye on what is considered unrealistic for me. I will dive deeper into this topic another day. Basically I am a person who in the past has always thrived with guidelines and rules. I like boundaries. That is what I hate most about my conditions, there are no boundaries.
I have missed reading many of your posts but knew if I took a peek, I wouldn’t be able to stop. I look forward to catching up and moving forward.
Keeping it real, and keeping calm,