After ten years I am still befuddled by the unpredictability of my pain level and physical abilities. Some days I wake up feeling like I’m ready to tackle the world, only to have pain strike me down an hour later forcing me into bed for the rest of the day. Then there are days like today where I woke up in pain and had to use every ounce of energy to throw dinner into the crockpot and make coffee. I figured that once I finished going over my daughter’s lessons (yes, we are crazy homeschoolers) with her that I’d be headed back to bed. Instead I found myself energized. I dove into the pile of clothing that I ignored yesterday. Not only did I get everything sorted, but have what I had planned to hang on hangers. Everything is ready for my yard sale. Everything is done and set up in my garage. My body is not pleased this eve, but I am. I now have two nights and a day to rest before the sale. Now if I had said two weeks ago that I wanted to have a garage sale on December 1st it would not have happened. All plans that are scheduled in advance rarely work out for me. This is why I have to take advantage of the moment when blessed to have the energy to actually accomplish something. “Pacing” myself has yet to work out for me. Instead I live a manic life of getting done what I can while my body allows me to.
Friends and family still don’t understand when I hesitate to make plans with them. And I still struggle to explain how I never know how I am going to feel, when I don’t even understand it myself. My physical swings are as bad as my mood swings, and why I am always aboard the crazy train.